Paul Adkins

I cant believe 3 years has passed! And although life goes on the thought of what life would be like if you were still here creep into my thoughts.  Its almost your birthday so I know we would be getting ready for that.  I already know what you would ask for TOOLS AND MORE TOOLS.  Christmas is just around the corner and I can already see your Christmas list.. TOOLS AND MORE TOOLS.( probably power tools for Christmas).  Its gettin cold so i can see ya laffing at me cause you say its never really cold in california. And I can also see ya so upset with me because I scraped the bumper of your car.  SOOO many thoughts creep in and then reality snaps me back and when all is said and done all any of us can hope for is peace and hope.  Peace in knowing you are no longer in pain and hope that someday we may cross paths again.  Love is a gift we must all treasure.

Welll Paul,

Two years have come and passed. I sit here alone with my thoughts and memories.  So much has changed yet things are still the same. I have learned to stop asking "why".  I've learned no matter how much you would like things not to change, life marches on whether you want it to or not.  But I think what I have learned most is to accept that no matter how hard you would like to have answers,  sometimes you have to accept you are not getting an answer.  I've come to realize that life is a series of choices and not chances.   Life is just that simple. It goes on even when we dont want it to and  sometimes we have  to accept things no matter how much we'd rather not .

 I had always said if I had to do over again I would walk this road with you and to this very day my feelings are the same but my reasons for being willing to do so are very different.  The kids and I are different people. Not just on the outside but on the inside at our core.   It is like a piece of us has been carved out.  A part of us left when you did and I honestly don't know if that part of us is ever coming back. 

I truly hope you have found peace.  I know peace is what I seek most for me, the kids and everyone who loved you.  I wish you knew how much you meant to people and how much you mattered.  I only pray that peace comes to us all. They say to live in the hearts of those who love you is to never die.  If this is true you are living with us all everyday. 

I wish I knew what else to say but like always you leave me speechless.

Rest well dear Paul,

Hi Pauly,
               It's Been So Long Since I Last Talked To You And I Really Do Miss You So Much, You Were My Best Online Buddy You Were An Awesome Friend And Had Such Good Advice For Me And For Jessica, She Really Loved You As Her Uncle Pushypop, I Loved it When You Would Give Her A Hard Time About School, Life Or Jeremy, You Always New He Wasn't Good Enough For Her, Well Uncle Pushy Jessica Gave Birth A Year Ago To A Beautiful Baby Boy His Name Is Isaiah She Had To Have An Emerg C-Section But Both Came Out Fine... And Yes Jeremy Is The Dad, But I Got To Say He Has Changed So Much Since Isaiah's Birth, They Take Care Of Him Together 50/50... Jessi Turned 18 Yesterday And I Thought About You & How Proud You Would Be Of Her, Her Big News Is That Ur Bratt-Jessi & Jeremy Are Going To Graduate High School On The 26th Of June!!! Both With Honors And Both Are Going To Collage In The Fall... I Know In So Many Ways You Would Have Been Mad At Her & Her Choices But In So Many Ways You Would Be Proud Of Her & The Women And Mom She Has Become Too, I Miss You And Your Friendship I Even Left Pal It Wasn't The Same Without You Anymore, I Kept A Lot Of Our Friends On My Facebook But Pal Is History.... I Want You To Know I Understand & I Know Why And You Will Always Have A Part Of My Heart, Ohhhh And Yes Your Were Right The Truck Driver As You Called Him...LOL Richie And I Didn't Work Out And The Third Chance I Gave Him Was The Stupidest Decision I Ever Made You Were Right As Usual!!! I Bet You Are Laughing In Heaven Over That One LOL... Ohhh Pauly I Love And Miss You And Always Will I Guess, You Will Always Be In Mine And Brats Heart... Here Is The Latest Pic Of Ur Bratt Jessi, Isaiah & Jeremy... I Will Talk To You Soon Hope You Can Make It To Her Graduation In Spirit Love Always Dreamie xoxox
 

I can not beleive 1 year has passed. Life has not and will not be the same. I love you and always will.

PUAL, I MISS YOU ALOT I WILL KEEP WRITING ON HERE ITS THE ONLY WAY TO GET MY FEELINGS OUT I LOVE AND MISS YOU RIP

                                                       XXXTIGGSXXX